Sunday is fun day. For me. Only.
There are 364 days of my year that belong to the five kids and my (new) husband. But Sunday is the mother of all days for me and my mom friends and mom nonfriends.
Mother’s Day. And what a day it is…
A day that I get to sleep in.
A day that, when I wake, my house will be shiny like a toy on Christmas.
A day that my kids will not puke.
A day that my kids will not fall down and require bloody-knee cleanup.
A day my kids will not spill one god damn thing.
A day that they will be literally falling over one another to float me out of my bed into the kitchen for my perfectly prepared cup of coffee with almond milk and a touch of cream, the coffee won’t be old and reheated from the day before, it won’t be salty bc the water softener exploded salt in the tap water making the coffee undrinkable.
A day that the dogs won’t have eaten my leather chair, shit in the house or ate my $200 jeans again.
A day Jim will have awoken to have the body of David Beckham and his face too.
The sun will be shining and it will be 70 degrees in Chicago with not a stitch of wind.
My hair will be perfect and I will have magically lost 15 pounds whilst sleeping the night before.
A day where we will go the brunch and there will be no lines, the restaurant and its staff will be open just for me and they will have everything I want to order.
A day where the French toast, extra bacon, crispy hash browns and iced mocha won’t have any carbs and will leave me feeling non bloated and healthy.
A day where the kids will sit and smile at me, no one will run around the restaurant, no one will drop their entire plate in their lap and no one will slam their small hand on the jelly packet or ranch dressing ruining my beautifully pressed shirt.
Yeah, I can all hope or wish for all of that.
Or I can accept what a day it actually is…
A day I will maybe get to lay in bed awake, just as early, but smothered in kid kisses and maybe even husband kisses.
A day that maybe has stale coffee warmed up, but has been warmed up by a nine year old who desperately wants to get the right amount of milk in it.
A day that maybe my bed gets made for me by someone else.
A day that only one kids cries but not the other four.
A day that Jim thinks my hair is perfect and when he tells me, I suddenly realize he looks just enough like David Beckham and may actually be even hotter.
A day I get to tell myown mom in person, because I am a lucky one who still has her mom every day, how grateful I am for the mother she helped me to become.
And hopefully, a day we can all stay home from an overcrowded brunch restaurant and our husbands and kids make us a nice breakfast with only 15 dishes to clean up instead of 35.
I personally, will take the actual day for what it is and my five kids making me cards and Jim looking at me like I just might be the greatest woman he knows and making me THIS perfect eggs benedict. Cause those are the things that make it my day, and honestly the fake day seem f’ing ridiculous and boring. I mean, my dogs eat the shit out of my furniture and pants bc they miss me when I am gone right? No one else misses me that much. Plus, David Beckham is hot and all,but he clearly likes miserable, skinny women so I’d never make it with a man like that.
Every woman needs a little hollandaise sauce in their life. It exudes love and you should show your husband this.
Though if no one pukes, I am not gonna lie, that would be f’ing awesome. Happy Mother’s Day xoxo
Eggs Benedict with simple homemade hollandaise sauce (enough for you and your husband or mother)
Four eggs for poaching (at room temperature if you can)
Four English muffins toasted and buttered
4 tablespoons of butter
3 tablespoons of cold lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste
4 egg yolks
Pinch or two of cayenne pepper
Poach your eggs (or have your husband poach them.
For the hollandaise, put egg yolks in a medium sized bowl.
Melt the butter over a double boiler, remove when hot and melted but keep the water warm in the pan.
Add the lemon juice to the butter and whisk, this will help to cool the butter a bit before you put in your egg yolks, you don’t want them to scramble, that would be gross.
Gently pour the butter and lemon into the egg yolks, whisking constantly ad I mena constantly the entire time you are pouring or you will end up with bits of scrambled eggs in your sauce.
Keep whisking and place the bowl over the warm water. You will keep whisking until the sauce thickens and emulsifies, like about 10 minutes, but you don’t have to whisk it so vigorously for 10 minutes, you can ease up a bit. Add your cayenne pepper and season with salt and white pepper (if you have it) or black pepper. If you use unsalted butter, you will need to salt this but add small amounts and taste as you add, you can over salt this easily and it is so delicate you don’t want to ruin it.
Now, this sauce is obviously so delicious you will want to put it on every damn thing you can, but let me assist you with some ideas…asparagus roasted and drizzled with sauce, salmon, shrimp, a burger and literally any kind of steak. Enjoy.